Drinking temporarily makes me feel relaxed, but it quickly spins my mind into darkness—negative thoughts that can lead to terrible actions. I’ve sent shameful audio or text messages, called people with hateful and angry words, and felt sadness so overwhelming that it turned suicidal.
The mornings after are horrible. I wake up late, often missing work or showing up completely destroyed. Anxiety claws at me as I look at my phone, unsure of what I did the night before, who I might have hurt, or what I might have said. The shame is unbearable.
I could recount countless humiliating episodes, but two stand out. Once, I “sexted” my boss, describing in embarrassing detail what I wanted to do with him. Thankfully, my English was terrible at the time, and I was so drunk that my spelling made the messages almost incomprehensible. Another time, I left an angry voicemail for the person handling my intake at a rehab clinic. The process was dragging on, and I was terrified I might die before getting the help I needed. To this day, I’m not sure what I said.
I’ve driven drunk many times, narrowly avoiding accidents. Some mornings, I’d wake up and glance out the window just to check if my car was still there, having no memory of how I got home. I’ve left my son alone to buy beer, had sex with strangers, and sometimes couldn’t even remember the encounters. I’ve lost jobs, partners, and friends. Worst of all, I’ve hurt my mother and my son repeatedly.
Alcohol has taken a devastating toll on my health. I developed diabetes because of my drinking. My anxiety has become so severe that I can’t drive or leave the house without fearing a panic attack. My world has shrunk so much that I barely step outside once or twice a week—and only for brief walks, grocery shopping, or meeting friends. I live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, yet I’m trapped in my own home, too afraid and broken to enjoy it.
But I’m not just my struggles. I’m a powerful, successful woman who worked hard to get where I am. I deserve happiness and the chance to enjoy the life I’ve built. I want to travel with my son, go to the movies, and create beautiful memories together. Alcohol has stolen so much from me, including my passions, but I believe sobriety can bring them back.
I want to get sober to reclaim my health, happiness, and mental stability. I want to enjoy life to its fullest. I dream of walking along the seawall, having picnics by serene lakes, shopping in vibrant markets, and dining in wonderful restaurants. I want to dance, ski, and explore the mountains.
Professionally, I want to operate at my highest potential and achieve even greater success. I’d love to pursue a doctorate in accessibility and digital inclusion, become a speaker, and share my journey with women seeking sobriety. I want to inspire others and, most importantly, be a role model for my son.
I choose life. I choose freedom from alcohol’s oppression. Sobriety is my path to a better future, and I am ready to take it.
Get comfortable about being unconfortable – it shall pass. Staying sober means to be willing to sometimes feel uncomfortable and sit with my feelings – good and bad – and not drinking through then.
